A woman from the event recently messaged me in the days after Table for Six and asked, “What did you mean when you said this…” I was like, “Huh?” We talked it out and I mentioned that I walk with Raven Medicine. Raven is a trickster. I don’t love it. Think of Coyote and all the trouble he gets into with his antics. Sometimes being up close can get one a slap on the head, too, just for being in proximity. Raven is a different flavor of Divine Comedian, but she comes with the Both/And experience, as well. That whole conversation got me thinking more about Raven Medicine, my own intentions for our recent initiation, and how to start to love what I have judged so harshly.
Chief Golden Light Eagle gifted me these feathers after my first fast in 2019. Raven tail feathers. He said in all the years he had been walking with them(circa 1996), no one had mentioned Raven. I had always had a connection to the corvids, but until that fast, I considered folks who differentiated between Crow and Raven to be haughty and high falutin. During that sit, I got to know my ally much more deeply and began to understand the differences in energy and behavior. I never wanted to claim Raven because I didn’t want to alienate anyone, but there’s no sense claiming to be something you are not.
It seems to have only been of late that I am beginning to truly understand what it is to walk with this medicine.
I woke up today filled with anxiety and bad feelings. I was having a pre-emptive pity party for myself. I launch the Mama Bear Medicine Giveaway today! I was supposed to be excited! I was supposed to be effervescent! Giddy! So, what the heck emotions? Why aren’t you acting right? I reached out to share my heart with a friend, and I sat down to meditate.
One of the themes in my share with my friend was all these yucky feelings about myself, and I hadn’t even put my offer out into the world yet. One of the thought clouds that passed through the sky of my mind was regarding that damned intention I just named in my recent initiation. I committed to unconditional self-love. But, here I was, loathing. With hand on heart, and hand on belly, the tears were allowed to come as I spoke out loud that, “I love the unlovable.” I love the part that holds judgement. I love the part that is super intense. I love the part that says the uncomfortable things that others have a hard time hearing. I love my loud voice, even if it doesn’t make the sweetest song. And, I love my inky blackness.
I was with a woman recently who exclaimed that ravens are ugly. I was shocked! Never in my wildest dreams would I have considered a raven to be ugly. How could anyone think that? But, apparently some folks do.
When I see a Raven, I am filled with awe. They carry so much majesty, so much power. I love their grandeur, their playfulness, their intelligence, and I love their physical beauty. Everything about them is incredible.
Did you know that they are one of the very few birds who will stand up regularly to a hawk or an eagle? They alert everyone in the neighborhood of potential threats like coyotes and other carrion, and will actively drive the predator away. Here’s where the trickster part comes in, though, they don’t always. You can’t rely on their alerts alone to know if danger is near. You must also hold your own awareness.
Speaking of carrion fowl, Ravens will eat just about anything, but their favorite is slightly rotten meat—and other bird’s eggs. Being that, not every neighbor is appreciative of their company. Yes, you get to be around someone who is playful, family oriented, and concerned for the community, but you have to deal with the occasional threat to your children and their communication not being fully reliable. Ravens also hold grudges for generations—and they conspire with the entire unkindness in service to retribution.
Here it is again, that Both/And. “Good” neighbor/”Bad” neighbor.
In the beginning of the year I was having conversations with some of my younger cohorts about masking. I wanted to know how they would describe that, and what that looked like in their own lives. Then, I started to see all the ways and places I had been doing that. How wonderful to be friends with folk from all stages of life! When I was growing up, you were just weird, and then tried to hide it in certain situations. We had no word for that, nor a campaign to shift that need.
Once I received those feathers, part of my personal medicine bundle, I was so nervous about “doing it right”, that I gave them away. I was instructed to make them into a spiritual fan, as I was preparing to be a Sundancer, and I so little faith in my own abilities to do this with reverence(and not fuck it up), that I reached out to an artist one of the Sundnace sisters knew to create something worthy. That was just before the lockdown of Covid. The whole thing became an ordeal, took a super long time, and was a learning experience for sure. I’m sure one needs no explanation of the metaphor that was on display. Of course it was drama. I gave my power away because I didn’t believe in myself.
As I embark on this conscious process of learning to love the unlovable, it is very helpful to put it into the context of my Spirit Animal. I can look to the myths and legends of Raven, and I can also observe the critters in my own backyard. When I overlay my own ways of being with that of what I experience with the beast, it helps shift my internal narrative about rightness or wrongness. Would you consider a dog wrong for acting like a dog? Would you consider a dolphin wrong for acting like a dolphin? No. So, why berate myself for not acting like a swan? I am a Raven. I will act accordingly.
After the tears, after the meditation, I was compelled to strip down that fan. I removed all the gaudy feathers of adornment from some other bird, painted and dyed for desirability. I pried off the duct tape, cut out the plastic strings, tore away the cheap handle, stripped her down to her core essence. I don’t need anything else. I just need these raven feathers in their original state, unburdened by the mask. That is activating the same feeling for my own tail feathers. I am lovable just as I am.
For me, in this practice, seeing the world from this shamanic perspective, everything is symbol. Everything is metaphor. We are co-creating this reality with every thought, feeling, dream, and interpretation. In psychological parlance, shamanism is pretty darn Jungian. These journeys that we take in the Dreamtime are ways to not only investigate our inner workings, our oft unconscious psychology, but also to interact with it. When we journey, we set intentions for the adventure. Those intentions help create the story that then unfolds for us. We are Creator, and we are Observer.
This whole month of June, in honor of the Sundance ceremony, I am hosting a giveaway. Raven is the Light Bringer for the Inuit. Raven is Thought and Memory—Huginn and Munnin—for the Norse. They are Odin’s allies who fly through the nine realms delivering him insights from afar.
If you would like to explore your own spirit allies, I am offering 22 FREE half hour sessions where we do just that. We will journey together using only the drum to discover who wants to be of service to you at this moment of your life, and we can explore together what meaning that might hold for you in your own unfolding. Experience Raven Medicine, and build a deeper relationship with your own buried treasures.
Claim your free session today! ««« Click the link ;)