Childish Things
the power of initiation in these times
Growing up, my maternal grandfather used to have a bit of an obsession with the Lakota(it might be why I unconsciously sought out my later connection to them and their ceremonial practices). He and my mother, both, were taken with a study they had read about the parenting practices of that nation. Specifically, they both lauded the idea that the children were allowed to run wild, essentially, until they were 12. Then, through ceremonial initiation, the children moved to the next stage of life where they were now expected to be a part of the community and to participate in the overall health and well being of the group at large.
When I first created this concept of the adult initiation into adulthood, it was specifically rooted in this idea—that there remained a part of me stuck in childhood, unwilling to take responsibility for aspects of my life, and the role that I have to play in the larger world. I figured that if I was experiencing this resistance, I was likely not the only one. Just look at the current state of things out in the world.
This idea of adulthood and community service also came about in my Tantric studies. I remember first learning about the Feminine Principle and her role as Navigator, as Decider. I was so resistant. No! I don’t want to be responsible for choosing where to go, what to eat, when to have sex, where to live, what to do, etc.! I want to be a child still, and be “taken care of”. I want others to know and cater to my needs, even when I don’t know what they are. I don’t want all that pressure to decide, to initiate, to choose!
Then, back in January, I reached out to a group of women in my life to see if they wanted to have dinner. Misery loves company, and the objective of the evening was, in part, to share our fears with each other. There is a way that doing so can help one to not feel so alone. I could also feel how I craved the nourishment that only women can bring. But, I didn’t just want the evening to be a bitch-fest. The women who sat around that table are some of the most brilliant humans I have ever met. I wanted to put those minds to work generating solutions each of us could take home.
As the months of this year started to slip away, the tug of my internal commitment to host another of those gatherings started to assert itself. The initial impulse was just to reserve another table for six at a local restaurant again and keep things informal. But, as I felt into it, my true desires for that night in January were only marginally met. I walked away from that night filled up, for sure. And…
When we met earlier this year, the primary impediment to my desire was that I couldn’t hear my dining partners! How could we possibly commiserate if we can’t even hear each other? Next, it was too informal. To accomplish my goals, we would need some slight structure to the evening. If my intention was just to have dinner with each other, well, mission accomplished with bells on! But, I wanted more(just like a woman). There was also this lingering memory of having promised myself that someday I would host that initiation again. Someday in spring, when the northern hemisphere is in its moment of annual initiation, I would dance the women who felt the call through the portal of their own initiation.
And, Spring was on its way.
I am endlessly triggered, anxious, and fearful these days about what the future holds. Nobody is coming to save us—not Jesus, not aliens, not our husbands. Sometimes it’s paralyzing. Despite all that—definitely because of all that—this feels like a moment to get into action. Each of us has a role to play in the shaping of the life we want to live, in the world we want to live in. We are creator gods, after all. But, how can you know your role if you are constantly deferring? How can you know what you want if you don’t allow yourself to feel, or to dream? How can you step into role if you are unwilling to accept responsibility?
I have been through so many initiations deeper and deeper into adulthood since hosting the Unbirthday back in 2019, where the material for Table For Six was originally tested. The resistance to taking responsibility in my own life persists, at least in degrees. I understand all too well the desire for someone else to take care of it, whatever It is. That’s likely why I am hosting this process once again.
That stinky onion of life just keeps peeling. That first ceremony was potent, and the desire for more beckons.
For some of us, the radical act of Adulthood and service to our global village will look like going to protests and writing op-eds. Maybe it will even look like running for public office. But, for others our radical act might be taking time off work, allowing for that nap today, or finally picking up the paint brush or knitting needles after all these years just for the sake of creating something beautiful.
When we choose to cross the threshold of initiation, we allow our unconscious minds to start cleaning up the toy box. A line has now been drawn in the sand. Childhood has its place, and we can always go visit, but she will no longer be steering the ship. The ceremonial act allows for the waterline of awareness to start to drop, and for light to shine in. It is a celebration of all this new stage offers! It also allows for the grief that comes in the passing of one life stage to another. It’s ok to be sad that you are the big girl now. But, you gotta pull on those big girl panties anyway, and get out there kickin’ ass and takin’ names.
Table For Six at the end of May won’t solve everything that ails us. But, it will be an evening of initiation to get the party started. I’m cooking. Sommelier Amy Currens of The Morris is selecting our wines. We will experience the pleasure of each other’s company like the grown women we are, and there will be enough structure to the evening to steer the conversation to creating the world we want to live in, and our roles in it. We will cap off the evening by crossing the metaphorical threshold, and celebrating our journey with chocolate cake.
You will all get to see how it goes once I report back after the event. I will make sure to get as many pictures as I can to show off the flowers, table settings, and the food, of course! While I won’t be sharing any of the details from our conversations that night, I will share the impact and the magic.
If you want to join this very special dinner please reach out, there are still two seats available.
These days, it’s a rare event that I cook for. In some ways, this will be an opportunity to take my own healing journey in the service and prep of this production. Cooking professionally had been a career that was filled with a lot of pain. So much of my time in restaurants was spent in this place of limbo between being very childish and being aggressively thrust into adulthood. But, it was also a profession that was, for me, filled with so much joy and passion. This will be a night where I get to reconnect with both those old loves in this new way. It is an evening sure to be very special, indeed, and I would love to have you there with us.